How much do you apologise and forgive?
I feel like I have written so much about forgiveness and how it relates to our wellness. Forgiveness is very important for ourselves and something that I have absolutely been challenged with. My sister once asked me why it was so important for people to say sorry to each other. I replied that to me, saying sorry is acknowledging the hurt and agreeing to move forward.
I think that I am very open to saying sorry. It doesn’t really matter if I agree with the person that I’ve hurt or upset. If I have hurt their feelings, I should take accountability, apologise and fix up my actions.
But there are times that I don’t feel it is only me who has to apologise when I involved in a two-party situation. Times that grind my gears. Those times are when people don’t take accountability for their own actions. When the two-party situation is poured purely onto my shoulders. I still apologise because I believe it is the right thing to do, yet resentment brews as a consequence.
Because there are two of us saying that we are hurt or annoyed or frustrated. Since there are two of us, shouldn’t it be both of us to apologise? That’s what I’ve written about the most. That forgiveness involves steps. Acknowledge, apologise, move forward for all parties involved.
There are of course times when this isn’t possible. But the times that it is, I am always astounded by the lack of respect, affection and genuine expression. In these cases, it feels like I am admitting to a crime I didn’t commit.
I stress and fret about the peace of the space and the commitment to my mental health. How much of myself to I bury so as to not offend the other party? Why should I do so when there is no consideration for me? How many more times will this happen?
It doesn’t matter if it is family, friends, lovers, strangers – it is maddening!
There was a TikTok that said, “if you always have to be the bigger person, maybe you shouldn’t have to be around so many little people”. It honestly blew my mind. Because being the only one to apologise is being the bigger person. It is choosing the high road, which is often the toughest. And it is tiring and taxing and not sustainable long term.
I got so angry! Why did I spend all that time investing in trying when it wasn’t being reciprocated? Why am I still doing it? The answer was in journaling. I realised that I apologise and forgive so much because it is how I want to be treated. Even though I understand that we experience pain, it is not a reason to lash out at others. In fact, one of the first things I apologised for to my family was my behaviour when I was really suffering.
But I also understand that I can’t have the same expectation of others that I do myself. Once again, I am only responsible for my response and reactions to other peoples actions. It is difficult, of course, but all I can do is make boundaries.
I know in my heart what is right and wrong, and that has to be enough.
Tea of the day – Dandelion Tea
Stay safe, be kind, and feel free to reach out below!
With love and eternal optimism,