Rebound.. but make it an Emotional Rebound
I went to dinner with an old friend a few weeks ago. Throughout our chit-chat, I told her she needs an emotional rebound. Her last relationship had ended, and she was caught in a cycle of doing well, not doing well, and repeat.
It seemed to me that what she needed was an emotional rebound. What is that? She asked me. Well, I replied, it’s someone you go on a date with just to shake the old relationship off. No sex, no benefits, just a good old chat.
I’ve never had the conversation about emotional rebounds before, so it wasn’t until later that I could analyse it. I asked myself if it was ethical to use someone like that. However, I wondered if it was better just to go on a rebound date without sex than a date with sex. There is more risk in dates that end in sex.
Since we’re in pandemic times too, the risk in casual sex has increased. I think in the future if I have to date or meet a new partner, covid testing will be mandatory.
Can you imagine that conversation?
Hi, before we go any further please let’s get tested for any sexually transmitted diseases. We are both adults, so this shouldn’t be awkward. But we should also get tested for Covid. Thank you. Also, please confirm our date for Saturday at 7. Looking forward to it. Kindly, J.R. Sonder
I hope you’re laughing.
But anyway, I think the point here is communication. If we know we are only going on a date for an emotional rebound, then we should be honest and upfront. Also, you never know what could happen! Lifetime partners have met on far weirder dates.
What’s the point? My friend asked me next. I think that when we are in love with someone in an unhealthy way, if it stops, so do we. And we’re faced with the fact that we stopped working on ourselves. Because I think if a healthy love falls, we will be sad, but we won’t fall apart.
Post-break-up, we have to jump-start our love for ourselves. But we’re attached to the other person, you see. So, how can we possibly love ourselves without this person? And this person is gone now, so I’m not worthy.
Thoughts run wild like this.
I tried as gently as I could to say that she needed to forget her ex. She needed to set lots of boundaries. With herself, her ex, her ex’s family. And, she needed to focus on herself. That the emotional rebound would help her realise that there is more out there. I was met with a steady refusal, of course.
You know what they say. For each year of togetherness, it takes a month to handle the heartbreak.
She needs time, but not much more, in my humble opinion.
I think an emotional rebound makes sense when you’re either ready or stuck. Personally, I will always say that you should focus on your feelings and take your time. But I think as a friend, it is important to point out cycles of stuckness.
If I were in my friend’s shoes, I would like the same advice. I come here each week to write, and I can work myself out of emotional and mental stuckness. If I didn’t have my blog as a sounding board, I think it would be much more challenging.
Even though the conversation helped with at least lighting a light bulb, it did prove one thing. It highlighted the importance of inner work. That no amount of distraction, good or bad, is going to set you free. Even if your distraction is full-fledged focus on you, you won’t get anywhere.
Unless you sit with your emotion and face it, you will be stuck. It is only in sitting with our sadness, with our shadow that we can integrate the light.
So, when you’re ready, rebound… but make it emotional.
And most importantly, be gentle with yourself.
Tea of the day – Pure Ginger
Stay safe, be kind, and feel free to reach out below!
With love and eternal optimism,